Thanks for the advice... I want a degree, I really do, but I am truly afraid of academic work. I've never felt more anxious, more lifeless or hopeless, or stressed, even with classes that I can easily handle. I have tried to try, and I do fine for the first half to three quarters of the class. I have failed too many courses, I have spent too much money for nothing, I have hurt myself, I have wanted to die, and I don't know why, but I have only felt this way when attending school. I leave for a quarter or semester, feel like I can handle it, return and do fine for months, then it all collapses again. Maybe I can't handle the bullshit? Does this mean I can't handle a real job either? If I can't handle school, do I deserve to work shitty jobs for the rest of my life? I have been taking Adderall, Ritalin, or Concerta (just time release Rit) for years, almost 7 years. Contrary to my username, I don't drink very often or use drugs other than cannabis often, although Adderall may as well be considered a drug, amphetamines aren't a joke.

People often tell me that a degree shows that I can handle the stupid shit academics put you through. What if I'm the kind of person they are trying to weed out? Does that mean I shouldnt ever work with computers? I just want to find a place or career path that I fit into. I want to work somewhere between the idea someone has and the software someone uses, somewhere along the way, it doesn't matter where, it doesn't even matter if it pays well. I guess I'm just looking for hope without school.

Nope, but now I will! Thanks!

Yes, I do have ADHD! I take Adderall for it which solves the productivity issue, but there's a lot of other parts of ADHD that seem to go mostly untreated. Unfortunately, taking speed only helps a little. Also, sometimes it feels like taking Adderall brings additional mental health issues to the table, and I don't want to start taking anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds as well. I used to program without stimulants pretty often, but after long term Adderall use, I find myself ignoring my projects until the next time I take it.

I program every day, but I can only teach myself so much! I think that if I continue with my current path, I will not learn how to program efficiently.

Well, my code kind of sucks. It's not efficient, I use the wrong data structures for the wrong things. I don't have formal training, so I'm a bad programmer. I want formal training, but I do not want to take Jazz Appreciation or Chemistry, etc... I want to focus on learning to program well, and not worry about when my Philosophy midterm is scheduled.

Might as well call them Gits